The word ... Everybody's heard about Jackson Bird. Source: William West / News Limited
Brett Geeves channels his inner-Grinch to explain why Christmas is overrated, how the Boxing Day Test isn't far removed from backyard battles, and why everybody's heard about Jackson Bird - especially headline writers.
Merry Christmas Fox followers!
2nd Test - Melbourne Cricket Ground
26 December 2012 - Day 1, Session 3
Australia 1st Innings
| S. Watson | 13 | 44 | 2 | 0 | 29.55 |
| M. Clarke | 20 | 46 | 3 | 0 | 43.48 |
| S. Eranga | 10 | 2 | 53 | 0 | 5.30 |
Christmas Day, along with New Year's Eve, has to be one of the most overrated days of the year, unless you're a 14-year-old school boy who refuses to give up on the notion of "Santa". If you are that child, then you are most likely beaten up at school.
Being the day after Christmas, Boxing Day should be a day of rest. If you're a cricket lover, and not directly involved in the Australian first XI, it means a day on the cans trying to create your own glory with backyard battles that end up in fist fights over contentious caught-behind decisions or whose missus cooks the better roast.
"Johnno, you're flipping crazy man. There is no way you accidentally flicked the top of your grip as the ball sailed past your outside edge. Ya missus burns the carrots and couldn't cook herself in the desert sun..." WHACK! And so the story goes.
I'm sure Jackson Bird's 2011 Boxing Day ran a similar path to the example above. A long run down the hill, opening the bowling for his team, facing a chap who had consumed more alcohol and ham in a 24-hour period than any human on the planet and his freshly cracked can in the hands of the square-leg umpire as he took guard.
Making assumptions is poor journalism and very rarely leads to the truth being spoken, but did I see umpire Llong holding a freshy at square leg while Tillakaratne Dilshan faced up?
This might explain Sri Lanka being all out for 156 in 43.4 overs. It might also explain why Dilly looked like he was in a rush to get off the ground - no one can drink warm frothies. Remember, this is an assumption and more than likely not true.
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There have been so many plays on Jackson Bird's name – 'Bird in full flight', 'Bird is humming', 'This Bird can fly' – but for me, it's Peter Griffin and his rendition of "Surfin Bird" that really hits the mark.
Peter: "It was my understanding that everyone had heard."
"Heard what?" asks Brian foolishly. "A well a bird bird bird, ba ba bird is the word. I said a bird bird bird, ba ba bird is the word." And so it goes. You should YouTube it, I don't do it justice.
Jackson deserves his spot in the Test team. He has dominated domestic cricket for two seasons and has proven he can perform away from The Incredible Hulk - Bellerive. But some will say he is only playing due to the rotation policy, put in place by sport scientists to preserve the quicks.
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Mitchell Starc is coming off his best individual performance at Test level and one that got his country over the line for a memorable victory. Had he not been rested, he was a certain starter for the current Test.
Former quickies, from the old school, will tell you they used to bowl through broken ankles, torn groins and would then walk home from school in the middle of winter wearing only plastic sandals and a pair of shorts.
Once home, they would chop 10 tonnes of wood and cook dinner for the family, all 14 of them. They would also say that resting, or being rotated, is for sooks who aren't man enough to get through tough summers.
Sadly, sandals aren't made of plastic anymore and using science to increase performance is the way forward for professional players.
For me, science in 1972 was all about smoking rolls of toilet paper and using bunsen burners to set the fire alarm off, causing an all-school evacuation and putting an end to science class.
But science has come a long way. Australian cricket and its band of professionals are using it well and, as the squad has the depth to cover Starc for one game, I say do it. The success of "the Bird is the word", it's proof in the Christmas pudding.
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Now, the big issue is when Starc comes back from his break and Jackson Bird has taken 8-23 in the second innings. Mitch is going to want (and deserves) his spot back.
Can you drop Bird? Surely Not. Can you drop Johnson after his four wickets in the first innings? No. Can you drop Siddle (please not on his face, those sparklers look terrific and expensive) after he has bowled like a demon for 12 months? No. But you can rest whoever you want.
As long as there is clear communication to the pecking order, then I can see this being advantageous to Australian cricket. What we don't need is uncertainty surrounding those dropped or rested. Good luck selectors.
Ed Cowan and Phil Hughes were involved in a run out that was reminiscent of most backyard mix-ups. Ed called yes and ran, Phil was unsure and stuttered so badly that there was an awkward silence, resulting in both of them racing back to the end that would see them safe (non-strikers).
Sadly for Phil, he lost this race and had to make a dash to the other end. He was run out by a comfortable margin.
When two players are racing to make it to one end, it can look like they are both being incredibly selfish, in the hope of remaining in the game. When this happens in backyard cricket, you are permitted to use a DDT or figure-four leg-lock on the batsman that remains in the game.
Unfortunately for Phil, this is not the case at Test level. It's Chinese burns and horse bites to the thigh.
Let me me finish this off by being Frank for a moment: "This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!"
I've watched very little cricket today...
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