Where were you at The Oval, Andy?

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ENGLAND coach Andy Flower must be taking the piss.

How can someone in charge of a bunch of free-spirited urinators like the England cricket team possibly lecture anyone on standards and leadership?

Flower was totally dismissive of questions about players relieving themselves on England's most historic Test pitch at the Oval after securing a 3-0 series victory three months ago.

"Can we talk about the Test series win rather than a ridiculous topic like that?" Flower said at the time.

It was as if 133 years of Test history at the ground and the legacy of the great Jack Hobbs, who was later knighted, paled in comparison to the latest triumph by his lads, so they could celebrate however they liked.

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And they did, with some Australian journalists and dozens of cleaning staff forced to endure the irony of another dry and doctored wicket finally being moistened by some inebriated cricketers.

At no stage was there any attempt by anyone that I could see showing any sort of leadership as players took it in turns to denigrate the rich history and tradition established by all those who had gone before.

A couple of days later the England Cricket Board released a tame apology denying any intention to disrespect, talking up respect for the game and finishing with "it was a simple error of judgement more than anything else."

In a game sometimes decided by millimetres it was quite a significant error of judgement given the toilets were roughly 100 metres away.

Fast forward to the day after England's four-day flogging by 381 runs in Brisbane, when Mitchell Johnson bombed the Poms out of existence, and compulsive sledger Jimmy Anderson held up the inevitable to complain about sledging.

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"I think there are standards of behaviour that individuals and teams must set themselves," said Flower.

"The competition should be intense. It's played between two proud cricketing nations. But I think we need good leaders, who know where to draw the line, and they need to be good role models."

Right, so where was the line at The Oval during that night of gloating and revelry?

Where were the good leaders and good role models?

If Flower had not been Zimbabwe's greatest player, by a fair margin, it would be easy to assume he was just another of those sanctimonious whinging Poms who are clogging up the Twittersphere.

It would appear that with the demolition job Australia did on England in Brisbane they have enough to worry about in their own back yard before advising anyone else on how to deal with theirs.

The umpires and the International Cricket Council match referee are the final arbiters on what is right and what is wrong.

The only problem they had was the stump mike inadvertently picking up Michael Clarke returning fire to Anderson.

If the stump mike had been off between deliveries, as it should have been under ICC protocols, no one would have been busted for anything.

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This is professional sport with a lot at stake played by big boys.

Leave judgement to the officials and get on with the game.

BOMBS AWAY

When Mitchell Johnson was having a tough time on and off the field during the 2009 Ashes tour he became a sideshow as the Poms absolutely gave it to him, with the Barmy Army constantly mocking the left arm quick.

Now Johnson has opened a stall of his own at the carnival and called it Bomb The Poms.

Oh the delicious irony of England officials querying the intimatory bowling rule as Johnson carved up their batsmen on a fast and bouncy Gabba wicket.

Oh the hypocrisy of these same England officials complaining about sledging when Johnson absolutely copped it on and off the field.

The way he melted down during that 2009 series was part of the reason why Johnson was not chosen amongst the five quicks who toured earlier this year.

Now the Mitch is back and the singing has turned to whinging.

COURAGE UNDER FIRE

Of all the cricket books lining the shelves for Christmas next month the one with by far the greatest cast is "Champions" written by Mike Coward.

He interviewed 58 players from around the world, many of them all-time greats.

They give compelling insights into areas of the game such as leadership, courage, philosophy and the spirit of cricket.

Yet one of the most compelling interviews is not from a player but umpire Simon Taufel, who was caught up in the 2009 Lahore terrorist attack which also targeted the Sri Lankan bus.

"I'm not afraid to say that on the plane in Dubai I sat in my seat and I did cry and I thought about the time when I would actually see (his wife) Helen for the first time," Taufel said.

"I didn't want to show her that I was emotional. I didn't want to show her that I was upset or that there was a problem so I actually went through that experience on the plane."